Burnt out. Confused. Bitchy. Resistant. I am not going to describe to you 9 to 5 scenario, because,
that is not responsible right now for my current state. I am in my most active
state. I could run right now, only if I had time. I have exactly 6 months left
for the fellowship to finish. I know I have to get it right… this project
right.
My concentration is short lived. I keep getting tired and scared every
few minutes, I panic. Is this what happens when you are so close to opportunities
just sitting right in front of you? A little bit of planning would do. What do
people around me know? Let me get narcissistic. What do they know? An event
that seems just of few hours, it takes days to plan. We don’t sleep night and
day to try get the event right so we can deliver a simple message- Eat
nutritious food! Save Water! Take iron tablets! What happens when you get it
wrong? You lose that opportunity. At least for us, time will not come again. You
say to yourself like maniac, you cannot get it wrong. That is not an option.
You start breathing shallow because you are so stressed that you can’t access
oxygen. You get more comfortable just holding your breath in anticipation, in
fear. You feel the adrenaline pumping, while your brain repeats the mantra- you
have to get it right this, one, time.
I became so aware of each action of mine that I had to pen it down to let it out.
